Something I’ve discovered about myself is that I have abandonment issues. REALLY deep seeded abandonment issues. For most people this would create a crippling anxiety, constantly worried about impressing people while clinging on to them to make show they never leave you. And for me, this is true, to a degree. For me, it’s something… different. I don’t want people to leave me, I dread it. But, when, and if, they leave I remember it.
I always remember it.
I guess you can call it a talent, but I can vividly recall any “break-up” and the happiest moment I had with that person. Don’t believe me?
Let’s go with Happiest last moments. One of my exes was cheating on me. I didn’t know it at the time, which greatly changes the whole dynamic of the moment now. I was wearing this stupid blue button up, she had this low-cut Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Tee. I was randomly walking around my school halls, and I bumped into her and some friends. And here’s where it gets fun. I had a newspaper with me, and like most high schoolers, we had this obsession with Horoscopes, like they held the answers to everything we’d ever ask. I don’t remember what everyone else’s horoscope had said… I was too busy staring at my girlfriend. Then we got to my horoscope. I shit you not, my horoscope said something along the lines of ”Someone you care deeply for will leave you soon. You may be heartbroken but everything will be alright, in the long run.” I later found out that before they bumped into me, my lovely little bitch of an ex had thought about dumping me. The horoscope just pushed her towards that decision.
Wanna know the part that always gets me? Our “last” kiss. They went off to class, and us doing the boyfriend/girlfriend thing, lingered to say our goodbyes. She kissed me on the cheek, and as she pulled back, I gave her this look. This fucking look. A look of caring, desperation, and “I’ll miss you” all rolled into one. I later saw myself give the look in a mirror. It’s the saddest thing i’ve ever seen. Like a fucking wounded puppy.We kissed, she left, and broke up with me that night. Over Facebook. I met the dude 3 days later when she brought him to our job… and I’ve hated her since.
It’s not first impressions that count. They really don’t. If that was the case, all our friends would still be in our lives. It’s last impressions that count. How you leave someone, that’s what really matters. Make sure you leave that lasting impression.
See ya when I see ya.